Shrek (PS1)/FMV Clips
Here are some special bonus movie clips from the Shrek PS1 video game that are unlocked when starting or finishing a level. (The FMVs are same to the other games developed by TT, A Bug's Life and Toy Story 2: Buzz Lightyear to the Rescue) Opening light shines on a storybook which opens on its own. A man's voice begins reading. ???: "Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love’s first kiss.'' ???: 'She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed.' ???: 'She waited in the dragon’s keep....in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love....'' '''???: ...''and true love’s first kiss." [laughing] ???: Like that’s ever gonna happen. confirms that the man is in an outhouse What a load of-- flushes [Shrek breaks the outhouse open with a piece of paper stuck in his shoe. He kicks it off. Shrek sees his house and goes inside, the title, "Shrek" shows. Starting a Level 1 [There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gepetto who’s carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three little pigs.] Guard: Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up! Head guard: Next! Guard: (taking the witch’s broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over. (breaks the broom in half) Head guard: That’s 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! Guard: Get up! Come on! Head guard: 20 pieces. Guard: [thudding] Sit down there! Keep quiet! Little Bear: crying This cage is too small. Donkey: Please, don’t turn me in. I’ll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! Old woman: Oh, shut up. (jerks his rope) Donkey: Oh! Head guard: Next! What have you got? Gepetto: This little wooden puppet. Pinocchio: I’m not a puppet. I’m a real boy. (his nose grows) Head guard: 5 shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. Pinocchio: Father, please! Don’t let them do this! Help me! [Gepetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up to the table.] Head guard: Next! What have you got? Old woman: Well, I’ve got a talking donkey. Head guard: Right. Well, that’s good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. Old woman: Oh, go ahead, little fella. [Donkey just looks up at her.] Head guard: Well? Old woman: Oh, oh, he’s just… he’s just a little nervous. He’s really quite a chatterbox. (to Donkey) Talk, you boneheaded dolt-! Head guard: That’s it. I’ve heard enough. Guards! Old Woman: No, no, he talks! He does. (pretends to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to talk. I’m the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. Head guard: Get her out of my sight. Old woman: No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! [The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan’s hands, and her cage drops on Donkey’s head. He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and he’s able to fly.] Donkey: Hey! I can fly! Peter Pan: He can fly! 3 little pigs: He can fly! Head guard: He can talk! Donkey: Ha, ha! That’s right, fool! Now I’m a flying, talking Donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain’t never seen a Donkey fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins to wear off) Uh-oh. (he begins to sink to the ground.) [He hits the ground with a thud.] Head Guard: Seize him! (Donkey takes off running.) After him! [The guards give chase.] 2 Donkey: Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin’ back here. Incredible! Shrek: Are you talkin’ to…(he turns around and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him.) Whoa! Donkey:' '''Yes. I was talkin’ to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin’ over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. '''Shrek': Oh, that’s great. Really. Donkey: Man, it’s good to be free. Shrek: Now, why don’t you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? Donkey: But, uh, I don’t have any friends. And I’m not goin’ out there by myself. Donkey: Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I’ll stick with you. You’re mean, green, fightin’ machine. Together we’ll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. [Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very loudly.] Donkey: Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don’t mind me sayin’, if that don’t work, your breath certainly will get the job done, ‘cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, ‘cause you breath stinks! 3 [He begins to eat when he hears a noise. He stands up with a huff.] Shrek: (to Donkey) I thought I told you to stay outside. Donkey: (from the window) I am outside. is another noise and Shrek turns to find the person that made the noise. He sees several shadows moving. He finally turns and spots 3 blind mice on his table. Blind Mouse 1:'' Well, gents, it’s a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? '''Blind Mouse 2': It’s not home, but it’ll do just fine. Gorder: (bouncing on a slug) What a lovely bed. Shrek: Got ya. (Grabs a mouse, but it escapes and lands on his shoulder.) Gorder: (sniffs) I found some cheese. (bites Shrek’s ear) Shrek: Ow! Gorder: Bleah! Awful stuff! Blind Mouse 1:'' Is that you, Gorder? '''Gorder': How did you know? 4 masked man is torturing the Gingerbread Man. He’s continually dunking him in a glass of milk. Lord Farquaad walks in. Farquaad: That’s enough. He’s ready to talk. Gingerbread Man is pulled out of the milk and slammed down onto a cookie sheet. Farquaad laughs as he walks over to the table. However when he reaches the table we see that it goes up to his eyes. He clears his throat and the table is lowered. Farquaad: (he picks up the Gingerbread Man’s legs and plays with them) Run, run, run, as fast as you can, you can’t catch me, I'M THE GINGERBREAD MAN!!! Gingerbread Man: You’re a monster. Farquaad: I’m not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others?! Gingerbread Man: Eat me! (He spits milk into Farquaad’s eye.) Farquaad: I’ve tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I’ll-- (he makes as if to pull off the Gingerbread Man’s buttons) Gingerbread Man: No, no, not the buttons! Not the gumdrop buttons! Farquaad: All right then. Who’s hiding them?! 5 Donkey:' '''But that’s it. That’s it right there. That’s DuLoc. I told ya I’d find it. '''Shrek':' '''So, that must be Lord Farquaad’s castle. '''Donkey': Uh-huh. That’s the place. Shrek:' '''Do you think maybe he’s compensating for something? (He laughs, but then groans as Donkey doesn’t get the joke. He continues walking through the parking lot.) '''Donkey': Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. Man: Hurry, darling. We’re late. Hurry. Shrek:' '''Hey, you! (The attendant, who is wearing a giant head that looks like Lord Farquaad, screams and begins running through the rows of rope to get to the front gate to get away from Shrek.) Wait a second. Look, I’m not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - - (He sighs and then begins walking straight through the rows. The attendant runs into a wall and falls down. Shrek and Donkey look at him then continue on into DuLoc.) 6 '''Farquaad': Brave knights. You are the best and brightest in all the land. Today one of you shall prove himself.... Shrek and Donkey walk down the tunnel to get into the arena Donkey is humming the DuLoc theme song. Shrek: All right. You’re going the right way for a smacked bottom. Donkey: Sorry about that. Farquaad: That champion shall have the honor-- no, no-- the privilege… to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place… and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it’s a sacrifice I am willing to make.Cheering Let the tournament begin! Gasps Oh! (He notices Shrek) Oh! What is that? It’s hideous! Shrek: (turns to look at Donkey and then back at Farquaad) Ah, that’s not very nice. It’s just a Donkey. Farquaad: Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have it him! Men: Get him! Shrek: Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. (bumps into a table where there are mugs of beer) Crowd: Go ahead! Get him! Shrek: (holds up a mug of beer) Can’t we just settle this over a pint? Crowd: Kill the beast! Shrek: No? All right then. (drinks the beer) Come on! takes the mug and smashes the spigot off the large barrel of beer behind him. The beer comes rushing out drenching the other men and wetting the ground. It’s like mud now. 7 Donkey: Let me get this straight. You’re gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don’t have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right? Shrek: You know, maybe there’s a good reason Donkeys shouldn't talk. Donkey: I don’t get it. Why don’t you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip. Shrek: Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village… and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? Donkey: Uh, no, not really, no. Shrek: For your information, there’s a lot more to ogres than people think. Donkey: Example? Shrek: Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions. (he holds out his onion) Donkey: (sniffs the onion) They stink? Shrek: Yes-- No! Donkey: Oh, they make you cry? Shrek: No! Donkey: Oh, you leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin’ little white hairs. Shrek: No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. (he heaves a sigh and then walks off) Donkey: (trailing after Shrek) Oh, you both have layers. Oh. (sniffs the onion) You know, not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. Shrek: I don’t care… what everyone likes. Ogres are not like cakes. Donkey: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Hey, let’s get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don’t like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. Shrek: NO! YOU DENSE, IRRITATING, MINIATURE BEAST OF BURDEN! OGRES ARE LIKE ONIONS! End of story! Bye-bye! See ya later! Donkey: Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. Shrek: You know, I think I preferred your humming. Donkey: Do you have a tissue or something? I’m making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start slobbering. 8 climb up the side of the volcano/keep and look down. There is a small piece of rock right in the center and that is where the castle is. It is surrounded by boiling lava. It looks very foreboding. Shrek: Sure, it’s big enough, but look at the location. (laughs…then the laugh turns into a groan) Laughing 9 Donkey: You afraid? Shrek: No. But… Shh! Donkey: Oh, good. Me neither. Gasps ‘Cause there’s nothin’ wrong with bein’ afraid. Fear’s a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn’t mean you’re a coward if you’re a little scared. I sure as heck ain’t no coward. I know that. Shrek: Donkey, two things, okay? Shut… up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. Donkey: Stairs? I thought we was lookin’ for the princess. Shrek: (putting on a helmet) The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. Donkey: What makes you think she’ll be there? Shrek: I read it in a book once. (walks off) Donkey: Cool. You handle the dragon. I’ll handle the stairs. I’ll find those stairs. I’ll whip their butt too. Those stairs won’t know which way they’re goin’. (walks off) is still talking to himself as he looks around the room. Donkey: I’m gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don’t mess with me. I’m the stair master. I’ve mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I’d step all over it. (An eye opens) spots a light in the tallest tower window. Shrek: Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where’s the-- Donkey: DRAGON! 10 groans as he gets up off the floor. His back is to Fiona so she straightens her dress and lays back down on the bed. She then quickly reaches over and gets the bouquet of flowers off the side table. She then lays back down and appears to be asleep. Shrek turns and goes over to her. He looks down at Fiona for a moment and she puckers her lips. Shrek takes her by the shoulders and shakes her away. Fiona: Oh! Oh! Shrek: Wake up! Fiona: What? Shrek: Are you Princess Fiona? Fiona: I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. Shrek: Oh, that’s nice. Now let’s go! Fiona: But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? Shrek: Yeah, sorry, lady. There’s no time. Fiona: Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. Shrek: You’ve had a lot of time to plan this, haven’t you? Fiona: (smiles) Mm-hmm. breaks the lock on her door and pulls her out and down the hallway. 11 Donkey: Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it’s healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. Just call me old-fashioned. (laughs worriedly) (we see him up close and from a distance as Shrek sneaks into the room) I don’t want to rush into a physical relationship. I’m not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this-- Uh-- Magnitude really is the word I’m looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let’s just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals. I’m on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards-- I’d really love to stay, but-- Don’t do that! That’s my tail! That’s my personal tail. You’re gonna tear it off. I don’t give permission to-- What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh! grabs a chain that’s connected to the chandelier and swings toward the dragon. He misses and he swings back again. He looks up and spots that the chandelier is right above the dragons head. He pulls on the chain and it releases and he falls down and bumps Donkey out of the way right as the dragon is about to kiss him. Instead the dragon kisses Shrek’s butt. She opens her eyes and roars. Shrek lets go of the chain and the chandelier falls onto her head, but it’s too big and it goes over her head and forms a sort of collar for her. She roars again and Shrek and Donkey take off running. Very ‘Matrix’ style. Shrek grabs Donkey and then grabs Princess Fiona as he runs past her. Donkey: Hi, Princess! Fiona: It talks! Shrek: Yeah, it’s getting him to shut up that’s the trick. all start screaming as the dragon gains on them. Shrek spots a descending slide and jumps on. But unfortunately there is a crack in the stone and it hits Shrek right in the groin. His eyes cross and as he reaches the bottom of the slide he stumbles off and walks lightly. Shrek gets them close to the exit and sets down Donkey and Fiona. Shrek: Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I’ll take care of the dragon. grabs a sword and heads back toward the interior of the castle. He throws the sword down in between several overlapping chain links. The chain links are attached to the chandelier that is still around the dragons neck. 12 Donkey: Okay, so here’s another question. Say there’s a woman that digs you, right, but you don’t really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren’t hurt, but you don’t get burned to a crisp and eaten? Fiona: You just tell her she’s not your true love. Everyone knows what happens when you find your…(Shrek drops her on the ground) Hey! The sooner we get to Duloc the better. Donkey: You’re gonna love it there, Princess. It’s beautiful! Fiona: And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What’s he like? Shrek: Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad’s stature are in short supply. (he and Donkey laugh) then proceeds to splash water onto his face to wash off the dust and grime. Donkey: I don’t know. There are those who think little of him. laugh again. Fiona: Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You’re just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. Shrek: Yeah, well, maybe you’re right, Princess. But I’ll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow. Fiona: (looks at the setting sun) Tomorrow?! It’ll take that long? Shouldn’t we stop to make camp? Shrek: No, that’ll take longer. We can keep going. Fiona: But there’s robbers in the woods. Donkey: Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camp is starting to sound good. Shrek: Hey, come on. I’m scarier than anything we’re going to see in this forest. Fiona: I need to find somewhere to camp NOW! Donkey and Shrek’s ears lower as they shrink away from her. 13 is now cooking the eggs for breakfast. Shrek and Donkey are still sleeping. Shrek wakes up and looks at Fiona. Donkey’s talking in his sleep. Donkey: (quietly) Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that. Come on, baby. I said I like it. Shrek: Donkey, wake up. (shakes him) Donkey: Huh? What? Shrek: Wake up. Donkey: What? (stretches and yawns) Fiona: Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs? Donkey: Oh, good morning, Princess! gets up and sets the eggs down in front of them. Shrek: What’s all this about? Fiona: You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. Shrek: Uh, thanks. sniffs the eggs and licks his lips. Fiona: Well, eat up. We’ve got a big day ahead of us. (walks off) 14 [Fiona continues walking, singing softly. Suddenly from out of nowhere, a man swings down and swoops Fiona up into a tree. Robin Hood: La liberte~! Hey! Shrek: Princess! Fiona: (to Robin Hood) What are you doing? Robin Hood: Be still, mon cherie, for I am your savior! And I am rescuing you from this green…(kisses up her arm while Fiona pulls back in disgust)…beast. 15 Shrek: Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from? Fiona: What? Shrek: That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that? Fiona: Well…(laughs) when one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there’s a…(gasps and points) there’s an arrow in your butt! Shrek: What? (turns and looks) Oh, would you look at that? (he goes to pull it out but flinches because it’s tender) Fiona: Oh, no. This is all my fault. I’m so sorry. Donkey: (walking up) Why? What’s wrong? Fiona: Shrek’s hurt. Donkey: Shrek’s hurt. Shrek’s hurt? Oh, no, Shrek’s gonna die. Shrek: Donkey, I’m okay. Donkey: You can’t do this to me, Shrek. I’m too young for you to die. Keep you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich? Fiona: Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I’m on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Don’t die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! Shrek and Fiona: Donkey! Donkey: Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. (runs off) 16 Shrek: There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you. Fiona: That's DuLoc? Donkey: Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, which I think means he has a really... Ow! Shrek: Um, I, uh... I guess we better move on. Fiona: Sure. But, Shrek? I'm... I'm worried about Donkey. Shrek: What? Fiona: I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good. Donkey: What are you talking about? I'm fine. Fiona: That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on your back... dead. Shrek: You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down? Fiona: I'll make you some tea. Donkey: I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look. (cracks his neck hard) Ow! See? Shrek: Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner. Fiona: I'll get the firewood. Donkey: Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug. 17 Donkey: Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here. Shrek: Oh, what are you talkin' about? Donkey: I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it. Shrek: You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. Donkey: Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel. Shrek: D-!! There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know... and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't... she's a princess, and I'm... Donkey: An ogre? Shrek: Yeah. An ogre. Donkey: Hey, where you goin'? Shrek: To get... more firewood. 18 Fiona: Shrek. Are you all right? Shrek: Perfect! Never been better. Fiona: L... I don't... There's something I have to tell you. Shrek: You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night. Fiona: You heard what I said? Shrek: Every word. Fiona: I thought you'd understand. Shrek: Oh, I understand. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?" Fiona: But I thought that wouldn't matter to you. Shrek: Yeah? Well, it does. Fiona: Sighs Shrek: Ah, right on time. Princess, I've brought you a little something. Donkey: Yawns What'd I miss? What'd I miss? Muffled Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey. Farquaad: Princess Fiona. Shrek: As promised. Now hand it over. Farquaad: Very well, ogre. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed. Take it and go before I change my mind. Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I am Lord Farquaad. Fiona: Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying... a short... farewell. Farquaad: That is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the ogre. It's not like it has feelings. Fiona: No, you're right. It doesn't. Farquaad: Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage. Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? Fiona: Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make... Farquaad: Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! Fiona: No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun sets. Farquaad: Oh, anxious, are we? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! There's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests! Fiona: Fare-thee-well, ogre. Donkey: Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away. Shrek: Yeah? So what? Donkey: Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night. She's... Shrek: I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home? Donkey: Shrek, l... I wanna go with you. Shrek: I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! Donkey: But I thought... Shrek: Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong! Donkey: Shrek. 19 Shrek: So, um, what did Fiona say about me? Donkey: What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her? Shrek: The wedding! We'll never make it in time. Donkey: Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where there's a will, there's a way, and I have a way. Whistles Shrek: Donkey? Donkey: (laughing) I guess it's just my animal magnetism. Shrek: (Laughing) Aw, come here, you. Donkey: All right, all right. Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. 20 Bishop: And so, by the power vested in me... Shrek: What do you see? Donkey: The whole town's in there. Bishop: I now pronounce you husband and wife, Donkey: They're at the altar. Bishop: King and queen. Donkey: Mother Fletcher! He already said it. Shrek: Oh, for the love of Pete! I object! Fiona: Shrek? Farquaad: (gasps) Oh, now what does he want? Clamoring Shrek: Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first of all. Very clean. Fiona: What are you doing here? Farquaad: Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding... Shrek: Fiona! I need to talk to you. Fiona: Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me... Shrek: But you can't marry him. Fiona: And why not? Shrek: Because... Because he's just marrying you so he can be king. Farquaad: Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. Shrek: He's not your true love. Fiona: And what do you know about true love? Shrek: Well, l... Uh... I mean... Farquaad: Oh, this is precious. Chuckling The ogre has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord. Laughing An ogre and a princess! Continues Fiona: Shrek, is this true? Farquaad: Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmm! Fiona: "By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before. Shrek: Well, uh, that explains a lot. Farquaad: Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! All Tokens in Each Level 1 runs away and bumps on Shrek's bottom. Shrek turns around and looks at Donkey Guard: (off-screen) Get him! This way! Turn! Head guard: You there. Ogre! Shrek: Aye? Head guard: By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am authorized to place you both under arrest... and transport you to a designated... resettlement facility. Shrek: Oh, really? You and what army? behind and sees a bunch of guards disappear. The head guard runs away while Donkey taunts at him 2 Donkey: Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want to live in a place like that? Shrek: That would be my home. Donkey: Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess you don't entertain much, do you? Shrek: I like my privacy. Donkey: You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like, I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You're trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence, you know? (beat) Can I stay with you? Shrek: Uh, what? Donkey: Can I stay with you, please? Shrek: Of course! Donkey: Really? Shrek: No. Donkey: Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please! Shrek: Okay! Okay! But one night only. Donkey: Ah! Thank you! Shrek: What are you... No! No! Donkey: This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin'... I'm makin' waffles! Shrek: GRRRRRH!!!! Donkey: Where do, uh, I sleep? Shrek: OUTSIIDE!!! Donkey: Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. Sniffles Here I go. Good night. Sighs 3 Shrek: Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? Donkey: Oh, I do! I know where he is! Shrek: Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all? Donkey: Me! Me! Shrek: Anyone? Donkey: Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me! Shrek: Sighs Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now... and get you all off my land and back where you came from! cheer 4 Gingy: Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? Farquaad: The muffin man? Gingy: The muffin man. Farquaad: Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane? Gingy: Well, she's married to the muffin man. Farquaad: The muffin man?! Gingy: THE MUFFIN MAN!!! Farquaad: She's married to the muffin man... Opens Head guard: My lord! We found it. Farquaad: Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. 5 Magic Mirror: So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? Guards: Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three! Farquaad: Three? One? Shudders Three? Thelonius: Three! Pick number three, my lord! Farquaad: Okay, okay, uh, number three! Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona. Farquaad: - Princess Fiona. She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go... Magic Mirror: But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. Farquaad: I'll do it. Magic Mirror: Yes, but after sunset... Farquaad: Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament. 6 Shrek: Laughs Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! Gasping, Murmuring Guard: Shall I give the order, sir? Farquaad: No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion! Shrek: What? Farquaad: Congratulations, ogre. You've won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. Shrek: Quest? I'm already on a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. Farquaad: Your swamp? Shrek: Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures! Murmuring Farquaad: Indeed. All right, ogre, I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. Shrek: Exactly the way it was? Farquaad: Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. Shrek: And the squatters? Farquaad: As good as gone. Shrek: What kind of quest? 7 Donkey: (sniffs) Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that? You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything. Shrek: Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you’d be dead. (sniffs) It’s brimstone. We must be getting close. Donkey: Yeah, right, brimstone. Don’t be talking about it’s the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn’t no brimstone. It didn’t come off no stone neither. 8 Shrek: I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional support, we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. Donkey: Really? Shrek: Really, really. Donkey: Okay, that makes me feel so much better. Shrek: Just keep moving. And don't look down. Donkey: Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. Gasps Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please! Shrek: But you're already halfway. Donkey: But I know that half is safe! Shrek: Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. Donkey: Shrek, no! Wait! Shrek: Just, Donkey... Let's have a dance then, shall we? Donkey: Don't do that! Shrek: Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? Oh, this? Donkey: Yes, that! Shrek: Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. Donkey: Screams No, Shrek! No! Stop it! Shrek: You said do it! I'm doin' it. Donkey: I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh! Shrek: That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. Donkey: Cool. So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? Shrek: Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. Chuckles Donkey: I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. 9 10 11 12 13 14 all of the Merry Men are down, and Fiona begins walking away. Fiona: Uh, shall we? Shrek: Hold the phone. (drops Donkey and begins walking after Fiona) 20 comes out roaring Farquaad: Aaah! (gets eaten by dragon, and gets out quick) Aah! (gets eaten) Donkey: All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it. Dragon: ROOOAAAAARRRR!!!! Donkey: I'm a donkey on the edge! spits out Farquaad's crown Donkey: (laughs) Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? cheers Game Ending and Fiona start kissing, but Shrek covers the screen. Cuts to the wedding. Shrek and Fiona kiss. The audience clap. Shrek and Fiona go inside an onion carriage. Fiona throws a flower at Snow White and Cinderella but Dragon catches it with her teeth. Shrek makes a farewell sign to Donkey and Dragon. The carriage moves away as Gingy appears on screen. Gingy: God bless us, every one! End 100% opens the lever and opens a puppet show DuLoc Singers: ♫ Welcome to DuLoc, such a perfect town ♫ ♫ Here we have some rules. Let us lay them down ♫ ♫ Don't make waves, stay in line, and we'll get along fine ♫ ♫ DuLoc is a perfect place ♫ ♫ Please keep off of the grass. Shine your shoes, wipe your... face ♫ ♫ DuLoc is, DuLoc is ♫ ♫ DuLoc is a peeerfect plaaaaaace! ♫ Shutter Clicks WhirringCategory:Lists Category:Other Stuff